Gilmore Girls

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Gilmore Girls (2000 – ?) by Amy Sherman-Palladino

Season 1

Rory's Birthday Parties [1.06]

[Lorelai enters Luke's diner.]

Luke: She's not here yet.

Lorelai: Okay! Well, you'll have to entertain me 'til she gets here. Dance for me, Burger Boy.

Luke: Will you marry me?

Lorelai: What?

Luke: Just… looking for something to shut you up.

---

[At the grandparent's party for Rory, Lorelai brings drinks over to where Rory is sitting by herself.]

Lorelai: Here.

Rory: What is it?

Lorelai: Shirley Temple.

Rory: What's that?

Lorelai: Shirley Temple Black.

[She offers Rory a sniff.]

Lorelai: I got yer "Good Ship Lollipop" right here, Mister.

Kiss & Tell [1.07]

[Town selectman Taylor makes his annual fruitless effort to get Luke to put up Thanksgiving decorations.]

Taylor: You have been living here for years, young man. It's time you become one of us.

Luke: Sorry, I guess my pod's defective.

---

[At the grocery store, Lorelai tells Luke that bagger Dean has given Rory her first kiss.]

Lorelai: That Lothario over there has wormed his way into my daugther's heart — and mouth — and for that, he must die!

. . .

Luke: You can't kill the bag boy. It's double coupon day — you'll bring down the town.

---

[Lorelai invites Dean to Gilmore movie night and then retires to the kitchen to let the kids be alone. Shortly, a panicked Rory enters.]

Rory: Mom! What are you doing in here?

Lorelai: [idly flipping though a magazine] Trying to find the best bathing suit for my bust size?

Rory: Well… get back in there!

Lorelai: [concerned] Why? What happened? Did the bad boy try something?

Rory: He's sitting there, and he's watching the movie, and he's perfect, and he smells really good!

Lorelai: What?

Rory: He smells really good, and he looks amazing, and I am stupid! I said "Thank you"!

Lorelai: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You… you said "Thank you"?

Rory: When he kissed me!

Lorelai: Wai… He kissed you again? What is he, just out of prison or something?

Rory: No, not now. Yesterday? At the store?

Lorelai: Oh, all right. Strike the prison comment. So wait… he kissed you, and you said "Thank you"?

Rory: [disgustedly] Yes!

Lorelai: [sweetly] Well, that was very polite.

Rory: No, it was stupid! And I don't know what I'm doing here, you're sitting here in the kitchen… what kind of chaperone are you?

Lorelai: Me? I'm not trying to be a chaperone. I'm trying to be a girlfriend.

Rory: Well, switch gears, 'cause I'm freaking out here!

[Lorelai smiles.]

Lorelai: You really like him, don't you?

Rory: [troubled] Yeah!

Lorelai: Well, okay then. Just calm down.

Rory: I just don't want to do or say anything else that's gonna be remotely moronic.

Lorelai: I'm afraid once your heart is involved, it all comes out in Moron.

Love and War and Snow [1.08]

Lorelai: Michel, it's the first snowfall of the season. It's very lucky! Make a wish.

Michel: Get away from me.

Lorelai: Oh, you're not supposed to say it out loud.

[Michel answers the phone.]

Lorelai: [dreamily to herself] The world changes when it snows. It's quiet. Everything softens.

Michel: It's your mother.

Lorelai: And then the rain comes.

---

[Emily has called Lorelai to warn her of the heavy snowfall.]

Emily: Have you seen the news?

Lorelai: Ever?

Emily: A bad storm is heading your way. It's already hitting us here.

Lorelai: Well, don't panic. I'll get the ark, you get the animals.

Emily: I just sent Lance to pick up Rory at school. The roads are terrible — black ice everywhere. It's just a mess out there. I hate this kind of weather. So, anyhow, what time will you get here?

Lorelai: Well, uh, gee, Mom, I don't know. Let me see… black ice, treacherous roads. I'll just put on my red, white, and blue leotard, grab my golden lasso, and fly the invisible plane on over?

Emily: You're not coming.

Lorelai: Well, if it's as bad as you say it is, I don't see how I can get there.

Emily: Well, I guess it'll just be the three of us then.

Lorelai: I guess so.

Emily: And you know, Rory should probably spend the night tonight also.

Lorelai: Uh, okay.

Emily: And if it's still bad tomorrow…

Lorelai: Mom? Why don't you wait to see what the weather does before you fill out a change of address card for her?

---

[The elder Gilmores, entertaining Rory, are left without the services of their cook, who is snowed in.]

Emily: This is a serious problem. These Friday dinners are the only proper food that child eats all week.

Richard: [to Rory in the other room] Rory? Are you in any way malnourished, or in need of some international relief organization to recruit a celebrity to raise money on your account?

Rory: I'm good.

Rory's Dance [1.09]

[Emily is waiting on a wounded Lorelai, against the latter's wishes. She sets a plate of food down.]

Emily: There ya' go.

Lorelai: Mom, I think… somebody already ate that.

Emily: That is a mashed banana on toast.

Lorelai: [doubtfully] Mm-kay.

Emily: I used to make this all the time for you when you were a little girl.

Lorelai: You did?

Emily: Yes! Whenever you got sick, I made this.

Lorelai: You sure it wasn't the other way around?

Star-Crossed Lovers and Other Strangers [1.16]

Lorelai: Hey — tomorrow, if you have time, I'm planning on despising everyone who says, "Hey, how's it going?".

Luke: You're on.

[A woman enters Luke's restaurant.]

Woman: Hey, how's it going?

Lorelai: [to herself] Oh, now that's just too easy.

Luke: Rachel!

Lorelai: [to Luke] Your Rachel? [turns to look at woman] You're Rachel?

The Third Lorelai [1.18]

[Lorelai is sparring with Michel over the hotel reservation computer as she answers the phone.]

Lorelai: Independence Inn!

Emily: I need the hat rack.

Lorelai: [mysteriously] The fish flies at night!

Emily: What?

Lorelai: I don't know. Who is this?

---

[Richard hears from his mother at Friday night dinner.]

Emily: [So] you were on the phone…

Richard: Long distance.

Lorelai: God?

Richard: London.

Lorelai: God lives in London?

Richard: My mother lives in London.

Lorelai: Your mother is God?

Richard: Lorelai…

Lorelai: So, God is a woman.

Richard: Lorelai…

Lorelai: And a relative! That's so cool. I am gonna totally ask for favors.

Richard: Make her stop.

Rory: Oh, that I could.

[Later in the conversation…]

Lorelai: I still can't get over that I'm related to God. It's gonna make getting Madonna tickets so much easier.

Emily in Wonderland [1.19]

[At Friday dinner, Rory wants family baby pictures from Emily for a school project.]

Rory: [vexed] And I need some of Mom, too.

Lorelai: I thought we already had this conversation.

Rory: Yeah, but I don't believe you.

Lorelai: Mother, tell her.

Emily: I don't have any baby pictures of your mother.

Lorelai: Thank you.

Rory: How could you not have any baby pictures of Mom?

Emily: Because, when your mother was seven, I came downstairs and found her burning all of her baby pictures.

Rory: Why would you do that? I'm sure you were a cute baby.

Emily: She was. She was very cute.

Lorelai: 4… 3… 2… 1…

Emily: … in most respects.

Lorelai: Then we have liftoff.

Rory: What does that mean?

Lorelai: Nothing.

Emily: I don't see what the problem is. You certainly grew into it.

Rory: Grew into what?

Emily: As a child, your mother had an unusually large head.

Lorelai: The best thing about was that she would tell me — constantly. My first complete sentence was "Big Head want dolly".

---

[Emily is taking about a set of antique chairs she recently acquired.]

Emily: Of course, they could only get ten of these, so I'm two chairs short of a set.

Lorelai: You're telling me.

Love, Daisies, and Troubadours [1.21]

[Morning at the Inn. Sookie is moping around, having "caught" Michel's ennui. Lorelai has just gotten off the phone with Max after a wonderful evening together.]

Sookie: You look happy.

Lorelai: Oh, well… what's the opposite of ennui?

Sookie: [pauses] Off-ui. [giggles] Oh, hey, I'm cured!

Season 2

The Bracebridge Dinner [2.10]

[While working on a Björk-like snowwoman, Rory tells her mother about the school newspaper homework she's been saddled with.]

Lorelai: What?! Why?

Rory: Because, Paris wants the first issue back to be a double issue, so we have to prep over break, and… she says the news never sleeps.

Lorelai: What about Paris? Does she ever sleep?

Rory: I think she periodically makes a whirring noise and then just shuts down.

. . .

[The Gilmores hear a power tool revving.]

Rory: Oh my God.

Lorelai: What?

Rory: He's power-buffing!

[Cut to a man working on an incredible snow sculpture of Ebenezer Scrooge, then back to the girls.]

Lorelai: Oh, now, that is just wrong!

Rory: We're competing against the Michaelangelo of snow!

Lorelai: And we're "Ernest Builds a Snowman".

Rory: We shouldn't look at him anymore.

Lorelai: Heads down! Stay focused!

Rory: We can do this!

Lorelai: Absolutely!

[Their snowwoman's head fall off.]

Rory: Let's get some coffee?

Lorelai: Right behind ya.

---

[While Sookie talks to the inn staff about the upcoming dinner, Kirk is clicking away, taking notes.]

Sookie: Keep in mind during the Bracebridge dinner, we are not just servers, we are performers. So, anytime you're with a guest, you must be in character and you must speak Old English. It's a world we're creating here, so whatever we can do— Kirk, you're driving me crazy!

Kirk: Who, me?

[He looks down at his laptop and reads.]

Kirk: "Whatever we can do to Kirk you're driving me crazy." Yeah, me. I'm… sorry.

---

[Emily and Richard arrive at the inn for the Bracebridge Dinner.]

Lorelai: They're here.

Rory: Who?

Lorelai: The Joyless Luck Club.

---

[Lorelai checks in with her parents.]

Richard: Lorelai, this is just beautiful! It's like something out of Architectural Digest. You should be very proud.

Lorelai: [smiling] Thanks, Dad!

Emily: Your dress needs pressing.

Lorelai: [not quite smiling] Thanks, Mom!

[Lorelai returns to Rory.]

Lorelai: Your pod grandpa is still happy as a clam.

Secrets and Loans [2.11]

[Going into a bank for a loan appointment, Lorelai finds her mother waiting outside the manager's office.]

Lorelai: You are not seriously sitting there.

Emily: No. It's a hologram. Lifelike, isn't it?

Help Wanted [2.20]

[Lorelai is helping her father set up his new office and goes to answer the phone.]

Lorelai: Gilmore Group, may I help you? Oh no, Margie doesn't work for the company anymore. I'm the one who called to schedule the DSL appointment. Well, no, no, we really need the DSL line installed today -- it's just awful being without it. Uh-huh, okay, if you can make it before five everything is good but any later than that won't work because the cable modem people are dropping by about 5:05. Well, thank you, that's great! Okay, bye. [to Richard] They'll be here in twenty minutes.

Season 4

In the Clamor and the Clangor [4.11]

Lane: You told me the Cookie Monster was one of the Seven Deadly Sins.

Mrs. Kim: Gluttony.